Is your Boss a Dick? Then read these Essential Anatomical Tips for the Work Place

Probably the most frustrating part of having a dick-boss is that dicks were designed to hang below, not over you. But now that you find yourself under the management of a dick, you may want to consider the following:

1)
If you are about to leave your sixtieth job because your present boss is a dick, just as the previous fifty-nine were, then chances are excellent that you are a bigger dick than all of them. Much better than leaving, again, would be going up to your boss and saying, “I’m afraid I’m a bit of a dick, but I’m trying not to be. What can I do to improve?”

2)
Sometimes people become bosses because they are natural leaders. But often it’s because folks have flaccidly convinced themselves that the only way to get some respect is to have the power to fire people. The best way to handle this is to find a perfect balance between kissing his ass and letting him know that you won’t stoop down.
You will observe that colleagues who are predisposed to become dick-bosses themselves will gather around the dick-boss in a kind of kiss-ass chorus. It takes quite a bit of effort to withstand such an atomic formation, and usually the quality of your work has nothing to do with the appreciation you’re getting. Should you want to have a stab at replacing your dick-boss, make sure you get noticed by the higher management without the dick-boss knowing about it. When a dick-boss realizes that you’re better than him, he will not report you as excellent, but will rather try to have you fired. All dicks are self-oriented.

3)
If you have a dick for a boss you also have a job. Since being jobless is far more frustrating than any dick might ever be, you should count your blessings and stop whining. According to some estimates, all bosses are dicks; it takes a special kind of person to want to rule or subdue other people, but there are also plenty of folks whose leadership is ultimately beneficial for everyone. If you should have a dick for a boss, try to figure out how you might benefit from his treatment. But, most importantly, very carefully remember how you now feel, so that you may keep yourself from ever becoming like that.

4)
Never forget that it takes strength to be courteous and accommodating. Most people get cranky at the end of a difficult day but some of us get up that way. Being a dick equals being weak. Weak people get nervous from strong, meaning nice, people. Ergo, if your boss is a dick, don’t be nice. Dicks have a natural tendency to become bigger when confronted with niceness.

5)
If you want your dick-boss off your back, take careful note that someone who’s a dick will most often target someone who’s a pussy.